The News of Liza Kate

If I were a bazillionaire, I would probably spend less time browsing through privateislandsonline.com and a lot more time just buying one and moving there already.

I think I would especially enjoy The Moss Cays. According to the advertisement, the Cays are near Georgetown on Great Exuma Island of the Bahamas.

(I don't know what that means, but it surely sounds sophisticated.)

Apparently, this area is popular for "yacht enthusiasts."


Question: You kind of have to be rich to be a "yacht enthusiast," right? Or at least, to be a "yacht enthusiast" that chills at a yacht-hot-spot in the Bahamas?

I think you might have to be a lot more than just enthusiastic about yachts to chill with them. Maybe I'm wrong. I'd have to invite them over for veggie burgers and chips and salsa to be sure. If they don't high-five me back, there will be be trouble.

Needless to say, I've never been on a yacht, so I wouldn't crash any of their parties right away.

In fact, before I get to crash any parties or do anything at all, I'll need to acquire at least 3 million dollars. Probably not all at once but even 10% of that is more than I've ever made in my life.

I'm guessing my '91 Honda Station Wagon won't do for collateral even though it does have a standard transmission.

I would then need to figure out how to live there. Though, judging by the photos, the "rustic home" on the middle island that boasts "glamorous camping" can't be all that bad.

I would only really need some electricity (solar - if I get to be rich anyway, why not), water (recycled rain water?) and perhaps some sort of responsible, eco-friendly human waste disposal system is in order? What the hell, I'll treat myself.

I would also kind of like Internet capabilities. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about exploring my little islands, making gardens and discovering a new kind of ant or worm that I can name after myself, but I think an email alert with the subject "A hurricane is coming, never mind, it's here!" or "Those pesky pirates are up to their pillaging again!" would be helpful.

I would need a boat and I would need to know how to make that boat do what I want it to.

Maybe I would need some kind of security? I'm not sure what the protocol is among Caribbean Island Owners, but if I were to miss the email alert about the pirates because I was, say, domesticating a bull shark due to loneliness, I'd be screwed.

And unless Mr. Depp and Mr. Bloom were the pesky pirates, that would be a bad thing.

(Worst innuendo by me, ever. Sorry.)

Okay, so none of this will ever happen - especially the recycled rainwater bit (I'm a dreamer, I know), but the more I do my humble "research," the more I realize that this is all totally possible.

Grand Exuma Island has an international airport, Georgetown is so unbelievably chill that they've hardly given many of their streets names because it's just that easy. The Moss Cays are, of course, actually for sale and I know more and more people can actually afford them. Still not me, though.

So why don't more people buy islands?

Dolphin Bay Island in Panama (!), for example, costs less than half or a third of what many people spend on homes here in Richmond.

How amazing would it be to start from scratch and build your own little world? You could play "Little House on the Prairie" and be a pioneer! Build a well! Make your own clothes!! Wear a bonnet!!!!

Seriously, Laura never had it so good.

You could play "Lord of the Flies" and scare all your friends!

You could play "Lost" and spend your entire island life in fear of "The Others," or you could get stuck in a perpetual state of flashbacks and forwards and, just flashing all over the place!!!!

I just might buy Dolphin Bay Island, it's more in my price range than the boring old Moss Cays. Plus, it has pineapple plants! Score!!

But the Panamanian Government is going to have to let me change the name. "Dolphin Bay Island" sounds entirely too corny. I wonder if "Gilligan's" is taken?

Labels: "yeah right", islands, stories

In short, that isn't happening.

I was informed today by the Associate Director of the Center for Latin American Studies that the verdict is in - I won't be moving back to Gainesville this fall.

He encouraged me to try again next year and I'm sure I will.

So that's it. It's a little relieving because I can make more plans regarding my immediate future without wondering if I'll be here to follow through.

So far, those plans include:

1. A tour in August with these sweet people. It isn't clear yet whether I'll be touring as "Liza Kate The Folk Rock Icon and Legend" and a member of their band, or as JUST a member of their band.

I could care less either way - let's go now!

2. Studio photography. I've spent a little time learning how to be a studio photographer's assistant. Not necessarily an assistant in general, but a perfectly shaped and molded assistant to just one fella. As soon as he gets work that requires an assistant, I'll be that person.

Now that I'm staying in town, helping teach a class this fall at VCU is imminent.

Maybe.

3. Some photography of my own. I'm submitting about 1 million photographs to many different publications, galleries, and contests (see below). I would love to have a CV that is, if not impressive, then really, REALLY long.

Also, I'm completely interested in sharing a space big and cheap enough to set up a studio.

In Richmond, the "cheap" part alone files this under "yeah right!"

4. Amassing a nest egg. Not for forever, mind you - just for a trip that might take me and boo to Portugal and Spain? Mexico? Dominican Republic? Montana? Alabama?

I'll have to focus on the strength and girth of the nest egg first.

5. Recording. I have plans for this. It might even be available by the time number 1 happens. That's all I can say about it now.

6. Writing. Songs, stories, letters, thank you cards to people who never got them a year ago when they should have, apologies along with some presents to some other people who should have gotten those presents in February, etc.

Of course, that could have been happening all along - moving or not, but since I no longer have the "well, I was trying to figure out all this 'moving to Florida' stuff and blah" crap that I should be famous for, I figure I should hop to it.

So, friends - If you have any information regarding the whereabouts of quiet and nice places that could help make #1 a victory for our team, please let me know. We're thinking the East Coast and the Mid-West.

Also, if you read #6 while gritting your teeth and throwing darts at a picture of my face on your wall - I'm working on it, I promise! It's just, y'know, I was almost moving once.

Labels: "yeah right", music, photography